Precious little life to guide and lead

Life has been a little crazy this week!

Along with finishing finals on Monday, my sister also had her baby!!!! Kiernan Colleen is her name and cuteness is her game. My sister and brother in law's blogs are both linked here, so you should go check them out because I'm sure they'll have pictures up soon! However, I'll have you know that she is totally soft and squishy and awesome.

I think I might have a job interview tomorrow, but we'll see. I can't keep getting my hopes up because I'll go crazy.

In other news, Kari and I have been watching The Tudors, which is totally awesome and everyone should watch it. Granted, I'm a total sucker for 16th century period films, but this one has the added joy of being a Showtime show, which means it has copious amounts of needless sex, which is always a good time.

So, um, yeah. Not much exciting stuff is going on besides that. :)

testes testes 1 2

heh. that joke will be funny forever.

but in other news, I'm not sure that my comments are working.

or, perhaps, i'm just talking to myself. TOTALLY possible.

so, you know, if you're reading this, if you could comment that would be awesome. and then, if it didn't work, if you could let me know somehow, that would be equally awesome.

With open arms I'll guide and I'll lead

I've decided to skip class today. Not for any good reason, really, just because I want to sit at the coffee shop and do stuff that's more fun than sitting in class. Too bad its so gloomy out.

I took Wanda and Mucha to the airport this morning. I have to say that I am not the world's best stickshift driver. Seriously. Its embarassing. One tip: take off the emergency brake. Also, I'm fairly certain that they forgot to give me keys to their house, so I have to figure out a way to spring their cats.

I wish I could work at Kopplin's. I love it in here. Plus, they make their coffee in a really fancy way and you know how much I like it when things are more complicated than they need to be. Not to mention they have this mocha that is just something else. Seriously.

Kari and I got rid of our cable. Its weird so far. Mostly because I always turn on the TV in the morning and watch the news, which I can no longer do. I'm sure I'll be fine, its just kind of an adjustment.

Cover letters suck.

That man will trick you with his thoughts

My friend Adam has just alerted me to the funniest website I've seen in a while. Perhaps I only find it to be so hilarious because I like practically everything on the list. Ah well.

I've been wicked sick since last week, but have started to feel better. Seriously, though, I thought I was going to die on Saturday. Plus, this big huge writing project for law school was due, so the stress was at an all time high. But, paper's been turned in and things are looking up.

I need a car so badly. Its gotten sort of out of hand. I need a job, which I could only get to by driving. Its a circular problem that has gotten quite tired in the last few months.

Its a big day for primaries, and I have to at least comment on the way these primaries have been going. I just get so frustrated with the way people are making Obama into some kind of hero. Of course this will all be construed as me hating the guy, which I don't, but its just frustrating that the candidate with great speeches but few tangible ideas has garnered so much support from liberals. Its just so hypocritical the way that some people will preach about taking care of the working class, keeping traditional democratic values at the forefront, but then support a person who seems to care little about this group. Clinton is the far better choice for working class people, which is probably why she has been so strong amongst those voters. Rich people, however, LOVE Obama. He's like a rich man's wet dream. You can pretend to be really liberal while still getting to keep all of that hard earned money. Stupid.

Whatever. Maybe there will be some amazing turn of events tonight and my hope for the world will be restored.

You save big money, you save big money

I got P.J. Murphy's this morning for breakfast. I was watching Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives on the Food Network the other day and the Nook was featured, which was totally awesome. In addition to them gaining national noteriety, I got to learn how to make the juicy lucy. Regardless, they buy their buns from P.J.'s and I've been wanting to go there ever since I watched. I feel like its my own little person bakery considering how much I used to go there. And considering someone I know has touched their front door naked. So, you know, keep that in mind.

I'm trying to keep motivated in school but it's seriously waning lately. Or since I came back this semester, you know, either way. Its not like I'm not doing my work or anything, its just like, honestly? 40 pages for Constitutional Law on Thursday? Really? Okay. I have plenty o' time for that.

When I was writing that I 40 pages to read, I almost wrote that it was for "Conlaw" but thought better of it. While my fellow law students wouldn't even think twice, my friends (and girlfriend) get PISSED at the constant over-abbreviating that occurrs with everything in law school. It's actually pretty hilarious when I get called out on it, considering I don't even really think about it, and it is pretty ridiculous how self-important and pretentious it comes across to other people. Like, I couldn't possibly be bothered to say such long words on a daily basis. I'm shortening Criminal Law to Crim, Civil Procedure to CivPro etc. etc. etc. Oh, this place.

In other news, I had a suberb meal last night. Its restaurant week in Minneapolis, so all the cool restaurants have a special menu (and special prices). We went to Cosmos, which is in the Graves 501 Hotel (which effing rules, ps) and it was delicious.

Okay, I can't procrastinate anymore.

By the 10th time I'm drifting away

Today is one of those days where I completely doubt myself.

My chosen career, namely how much it has and will continue to cost me to obtainin that career, is drowning me today, and I can't quite shake the thought that I would be happier playing guitars with Heidi the rest of my life. I don't even know if I actually know how to play the guitar anymore, and that's a weird weird WEIRD phenomenon.

I also can't figure out why it is apparently impossible for me to keep my house clean, regardless of how many resolutions I make. Merely saying "I'm just a messy person" doesn't really work when you're 25 yet I am at a loss with how to actually change my behavoir. I keep telling myself that I can just get a cleaning service when I'm older but that is
a. a cop out and
2. not going to help me today.

I wish I was good enough to play poker professionally. There's something that I love doing. Think how awesome I would look in aviators, scotch on the rocks and pocket aces. Seriously.

I desperately trying to remember what I used to do, what used to make me happy and how to get that back.

I don't know that I've ever felt this restless.

There's always someone younger, someone with more hunger

Having subsisted in the land of Itakemyselftooseriously for about 6 months now, I'm about at my wits end with how to handle all the boneheads. This isn't a commentary on anyone in particular but on the overall culture of law school that apparently attracts all the people I wanted to beat up while in high school.

Don't get me wrong, I'm certain that there are other reasons for today's overwhelming annoyance with the situation in which I have engulfed myself, but if I have to hear one more self-important blowhard ramble on and on about how much they (don't) know about everything under the sun, I will shoot myself with the shotgun the 2nd Amendment so thoughtfully allows me to have.

Honestly, try to imagine a room full of people, each one thinking they're smarter than the next. Not only that, but each one is on a never ending quest to prove that they are, in fact, the most intelligent person to ever walk the earth. This, combined with the knowledge that the people who are actually the smartest just sort of answer questions when they come up and otherwise act like a normal, nice person, makes me despise the culture of intelligent idocy that law school creates.

I wish I was still in college. What concerns me is that I actually fucking like law school. Now, of course I can't tell anyone this because hating law school is one of the first things you learn when entering law school.

Its a good thing that there's the tiny amount of people that make my days bearable. See, not everyone is a jackass and not everyone thinks that law school is the most important thing on Earth.

Some days I just get sucked in to only hearing the things I hate. Apparently today is one of those days.

In the middle of the street

All the same people that I hung out with in high school still hang out together. I know this because Facebook told me so. I don't know why this surprises me so much, or why it leaves me with such a weird sense of melancholy, but the idea of going "home" for the holidays to a place where the people you grew up with are waiting to see how you've been is a weird, foreign idea that I don't know if I've ever experienced. I guess I never really felt like I was a part of anywhere until I moved back up to Minnesota after high school. Then, all of a sudden, there was community pouring from every bar and coffee shop I walked into. And, of course, St. Kate's. Seriously, that college...

Of course, this will all come across as ungrateful for the people I have in my life now, for the people that mean so much, for the people that I've known in the past that I just seem to have lost track of. Its not as though growing up was a waste (holy shit would that be hard to stomach), or that I don't think about how weird and cool it would be to go back someday. But honestly, I don't know what I'd do once I got there.

Its just pretty weird to turn around one day and be 25 years old and in law school and have more or less everything figured out and placed into a poorly wrapped box. I guess I just thought it would be a lot easier by the time I got here. Or at least easier to figure out.

I fucking hate holidays.

Get over yourself.

I am somewhat concerned about the path the my alma mater is taking these days.

I have always been accused of being not enough of a vigilante, not radical enough to be a real feminist/lesbian/queer/insertliberallabelhere, but at this point I believe it to be a strength not a weakness.

I am certain that I can continue to claim ultra liberalism, can continue to live my life as I am, without persecuting those around me for the inability to understand fully how it is to walk in my shoes.

Because I am fairly certain that if I were to do that, I would, in effect, merely be doing the exact same thing that I purport to be rioting against.

Self-righteousness and hypocrisy are so 1991.

I can feel this heart beating

I'm having one of those days.

I woke up anxious. I'm still anxious. I'm tired but jittery. Its not a good feeling.

Mostly right now I'm panicking that my friends don't like me anymore. This is not meant as a passive aggressive attack on something that someone has done, because no one has done anything. I've just more or less fallen off the face of the earth, and even though I tried to explain that this was going to happen, I feel drastically left out when I hear stories of shenanigans and good times happening all around me.

I'm fairly certain that the only person that can understand this is Mucha. I keep hoping that she'll tell everyone else that I'm not just being an asshole, that really I'm actually busy, and freaking out, and anxious because I can't lose my scholarship.

I'm panicking because I don't want to lose all my friends just because I have to study every moment of every day, and in the moments that I don't, all I want to do is watch T.V. and lay on the couch.

I'm panicking because there's only 6 weeks until exams, and I feel drastically under prepared and every day that goes by I feel like there's more that I could have done and didn't do.

I feel like I'm gonna barf today.