Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Get over yourself.

I am somewhat concerned about the path the my alma mater is taking these days.

I have always been accused of being not enough of a vigilante, not radical enough to be a real feminist/lesbian/queer/insertliberallabelhere, but at this point I believe it to be a strength not a weakness.

I am certain that I can continue to claim ultra liberalism, can continue to live my life as I am, without persecuting those around me for the inability to understand fully how it is to walk in my shoes.

Because I am fairly certain that if I were to do that, I would, in effect, merely be doing the exact same thing that I purport to be rioting against.

Self-righteousness and hypocrisy are so 1991.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

I can feel this heart beating

I'm having one of those days.

I woke up anxious. I'm still anxious. I'm tired but jittery. Its not a good feeling.

Mostly right now I'm panicking that my friends don't like me anymore. This is not meant as a passive aggressive attack on something that someone has done, because no one has done anything. I've just more or less fallen off the face of the earth, and even though I tried to explain that this was going to happen, I feel drastically left out when I hear stories of shenanigans and good times happening all around me.

I'm fairly certain that the only person that can understand this is Mucha. I keep hoping that she'll tell everyone else that I'm not just being an asshole, that really I'm actually busy, and freaking out, and anxious because I can't lose my scholarship.

I'm panicking because I don't want to lose all my friends just because I have to study every moment of every day, and in the moments that I don't, all I want to do is watch T.V. and lay on the couch.

I'm panicking because there's only 6 weeks until exams, and I feel drastically under prepared and every day that goes by I feel like there's more that I could have done and didn't do.

I feel like I'm gonna barf today.